Is vanilla sex starting to feel as bland as cardboard? Once hot-and-heavy bedroom action cooling to lukewarm drips? Don’t panic. You can revive the passion and bring back that exciting spark at any stage of life or relationship. Turn up the heat again through BDSM – bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism.
Define Your Interest Level
Before suggesting blindfolds and paddle play to your lover, reflect honestly on what excites YOU about kinkier sex.
Perhaps you crave…
- More intensity and unpredictability
- Freedom through voluntary power exchange
- Adventure into unexplored erotic territory
- Deeper trust and surrender
- Therapeutic escape from daily control
- Novel sensations your body craves
Get clear on why BDSM intrigues you rather than making assumptions about a partner’s interests without conversation. Great sex involves mutual enthusiasm!
Educate Yourself
Too often, mainstream media depicts BDSM through misinformed cliches involving nonconsenting pain-as-abuse without showcasing the depth of care, communication, and trust practices actually demand when done properly.
But BDSM is not just whips and chains and perversion (unless that’s precisely what you crave, then go you!). At its core, erotic power exchange involves awakening new sensations and integrating discomfort with pleasure for heightened experiences. Vulnerability meets support. Intensity amplifies connection.
Rather than believing hype or judging something as “freaky,” read up on the psychological aspects involved. Engage personal reflection on what draws you towards these unconventional expressions of eroticism and intimacy compared to society’s conditioned “norms.”
Initiate Open Conversations
Once you’ve reflected, engage your partner in candid conversations around current bedroom satisfaction and appetite for exploration.
Set an intention that these talks will unfold with patience, curiosity, and zero shaming. Start by expressing why you desire delving into aspects of BDSM then invite your partner’s perspectives on incorporating elements that excite you both.
What alluring ideas initially catch their attention or spark apprehension? Where might you start small?
Reassure them that this invites playing together, not criticism. Remind them they can share hesitancies without reproach. The goal is uniting around common ground to try new things, not forcing anything uncomfortable.
Establish Trust With Baby Steps
Beginning BDSM play with elaborate scenes, expensive gear, and hard limits right away rarely ends well without a stable relational foundation beneath it all.
Build trust gradually through many loving encounters focused simply on gentle care and affection. Shower one another in appreciation and compassion. Then, start sprinkling in playful elements when the energy aligns.
Maybe that initial exploration means tying a silky blindfold lightly around their eyes, then caressing their skin with a feather while whispering sweet nothings. Perhaps it starts with requesting your lover politely yet firmly to hold your arms above your head against the wall while passionately kissing.
When ready for another baby step, add some gear from KlinikBondage teasingly into the mix, or experiment with sexy commands focused on the partner’s pleasure. Have them sit naked on the bed for 5 minutes while you’re admiring their beauty from across the room. Small delights!
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Nor trust fortified for advanced BDSM play!
Define Desires, Limits, and Safewords
Over time, as trust in each other and confidence around BDSM skills grow, amp up scenes through dirty talk, props, toys, and commands focused on heightened sensations.
But before diving towards more intense expressions, clearly define both partners’ erotic intentions, hesitations, and hard boundaries to protect their safety.
Have explicit conversations about what turns you on and off. Maybe you enjoy name-calling and hair-pulling during sex but draw the line at face-slapping. Perhaps nipple clamps tantalize you, but genital pain is absolutely off-limits.
Discuss what areas of BDSM interest each of you, from trying light bondage restraints to role-playing force/resistance scenes. How might you healthily experiment with power, control, pain thresholds, or taboo fantasies?
And, of course, establish safe words that either party can use to instantly pause the action if intensity tips into the realm of destructive or non-consensual. “Red light” means STOP immediately with no questions, while “yellow” means please slow down and check in.
Adopt Ongoing Consent, Communication, and Aftercare
Sexual exploration should only ever involve enthusiastic consent from all partners. But power exchange activities require EXTRA thorough, consistent confirmation of each person’s state of willingness to receive intensity.
Arousal heightens the senses and shifts perception, which is why pre-discussed limits and safe words prove so vital when moving into edgier erotic territory.
During BDSM scenes, check in frequently for verbal affirmation around comfort – “How are you doing, baby?” – while observing nonverbal cues, too.
If something seems off, quickly pause play, then lovingly caretake whatever that partner requires at the moment – gentleness, space, nurturing touch. Skip the judgment around changing needs.
The patience required here pays life-changing dividends for years of toe-curling, soul-bonding excitement! Have fun out there 🙂